How it works ...

And it has begun. Britain has officially started printing money in an attempt to get itself out of economic malaise.

The snooty name for this is 'quantitative easing'. Of course it is not just printing money, say the Bank Of England and Treasury spinners. Only a fool would say that. Instead, they tell us, QE is about the Bank of England creating 'new funding' with which to buy up the debt of various companies - and more worringly government - thus allowing those entities to spend money they'd earmarked for debt on other things, thus stimulating the economy.

You with me? Thought not.

You're wondering how it REALLY works. This is how it works.

I bank with an institution that has recently come under majority government control. Just the other day, they sent me a letter telling me they'd upped the limit on my cedit card three-fold.

Now, you'd think a financial institution that is fundamentally bankrupt and needs to be bailed out by government might be tightening the purse strings, not throwing cash around unbidden.

Welcome to the wonderful world of QE. Essentially, the government is lending me the taxes I'll pay them in the future now in the hope I'll spend it. Then obviously pay back that money from what I'll earn in the future, while the actual future taxes will balance out what they've lent now.

In theory it works. But what if I spend the money and then lose my job, something quite likely in a recession.

Or - what if I weren't a UK citizen and simply took this money and bailed home? Then they'd lose the money twice - once now and then in the future when I'm not around to pay the tax they are banking (literally) on.

Yet Gordon Brown has the temerity to say Britain is best placed to weather the recession.

In fact, if he says it one more time, I will take their money and piss off back to Oz, a country that has yet to have even one quarter of 'negative growth'.